


officially missing you

by loretoo



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Fluff and Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-27
Updated: 2017-12-27
Packaged: 2019-02-22 08:11:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,604
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13162854
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/loretoo/pseuds/loretoo
Summary: After Luhan leaves, no one knows how Minseok really feels.





	officially missing you

**Author's Note:**

> Minseok never cries, or at least no one has been allowed to see him cry. 
> 
> “Don’t forget our concert in Beijing is in a week… of course… we will stay one more night, with Lay… yes… I know, I do too"
> 
> “I love you, too"

Minseok never cries.

He didn’t cry his first night away from home when he was a trainee, he didn’t cry when his sister got very sick and was held at the hospital for two nights, and he didn’t cry when his cat died while he was at a party with highschool friends which was also the first time he got drunk.

Minseok never cries, or at least no one has been allowed to see him cry.

So it was no surprise for anyone when Luhan announced he was leaving that Minseok would be very unaffected. It was well known that Luhan wanted to end his contract with SM, and when Kris did it, the members were already prepared for a second or a third person to join him. But it was a little shocking coming from Luhan especially since their tour wasn’t over yet. The company had finally let him get other jobs in China like a big role in a movie, but the most shocking aspect of his departure was Minseok. His best friend and boyfriend since pre-debut. No one saw that coming, Luhan leaving Minseok behind.

“Are you okay hyung?” Tao and Sehun asked looking very worried as if Luhan was dying.

“I’m okay guys, we talked about this awhile ago and I agreed with the decision for him to leave… Actually, it was me who proposed it”

“But” Tao tried to say but his words were caught.

“This is the best thing for Luhan and I need him to be happy… healthy,  more than anything. Don’t worry about me, I’ll be fine I promise.”

Weeks went by after Luhan’s departure from EXO and even though Minseok reassured the whole group that he was completely okay, the group could not be fooled. Even when Minseok seemed happier than ever in every variety show they were invited to Joonmyun could sense that something was off with the elder of the group so he asked the boys to keep an eye on him 24/7.

The first one to notice that something was off was Jongin. The intuitive dancer always had a  gift for reading emotions even when it wasn’t always clear. This was noticed by Joonmyun and that’s why he wasn’t surprised when the younger approached him on their way to Japan changing seats during the flight with Jondae.

“Jongin, you okay?” Joonmyun asked taking his earphones off.

“I am, but saw something weird today at the airport” his whispers soft as if he was revealing Korea’s biggest secret.

“I was walking next to you-know-who today at the airport and someone screamed something… I think it was Baozi and then something in chinese I couldn’t quite get”

“Why bother calling him you-know-who if you’re going to say his nickname right aft-” Suho tried but was interrupted by Jongin.

”And he looked so… so confused” finished Jongin not even listening to his bandmate. “I was holding his arm but he told me he was going to the bathroom all of the sudden running away from me like a child and came back like 30 minutes later. Isn’t that a bit weird especially for Minseok- Hyung?”

“What do you mean he ran away like a child?” Joonmyun asked confused.

“I don’t know! Like a kid you know very hyperactive or over excited” Jongin said using his arms to reenact the scene he witnessed.

“I guess it is weird… for Minseok”  Suho said looking out the window. “Thanks Jongin”

 

***

 

Three days after that it was Chanyeol’s turn to see something was off with Minseok. Well, to hear something to be more precise. A hushed voice came from Minseok’s room and even though he knew it was wrong to listen in on on a very private moment of his hyung it was Suho who did tell them to watch the eldest at all times and since Suho was their leader he had no choice but to listen to him.

“I helped manager-hyung to gather some of your things together, the ones I know you would miss…”

That was Minseok’s voice, but he couldn’t comprehend the reply. They must be talking through skype, thought Chanyeol.

“Don’t forget our concert in Beijing is in a week… of course… we will stay one more night, with Lay… yes… I know, I do too” suddenly Chanyeol felt the awful feeling of intruding into something really personal, and he wanted to stop listening but he just couldn’t.

“I love you too” He heard Minseok’s voice in a hushed whisper.

That night Chanyeol left without telling the other of what he heard. It wasn’t like they needed to know anyway, right?

 

***

“That was great!! Group hug everyone!! “screamed Baekhyun as they jumped off the stage.

“We did better than great!” laughed Chanyeol gathering together every person his long arms could hold.

“I need a shower now” Tao said while looking at Sehun very provocative.

“Count me in” replied Sehun sounding eager. Way too eager for anyone not to notice.

“Gross” Jongin and Kyungsoo said at the same time then smiled at each other after realising what just happened.

Meanwhile, Lay was looking for Minseok. He was nowhere to be seen. How can someone disappear in the span of ten seconds?

“Where is Xiumin?” he asked one of the cordi noonas

“I think he went straight to the van, I don’t even think he took his makeup off yet”

Faster than the speed of light Minseok was in the van, texting and calling his bandmates to hurry up and as soon as the van was full with members and managers they set off. Minseok even went as far as politely asking the driver to go “a little faster, please”.

The hotel, one of the fanciest in Beijing and where they had spent last night was their first stop. Baekhyun, Jongin and one of the managers got off there. However, Minseok and Lay didn’t. A fifteen minute ride separates the two hotels both similar in fanciness but the second missing the crowds of fans screaming outside.

“Nervous?” Lay asked looking at Minseok with that smiling face he did when he didn’t need an answer and he was right because Minseok couldn’t even respond.

Floor 36. Room 3590.

The door opened and there he was. Handsome as ever and visibly happier with darker hair and the brightest smile.

“Luhan…” Minseok said without moving from his spot. Lay, however, ran past him and hugged his friend while screaming probably bad words in chinese.

After the emotional reunion between the two chinese members, Luhan directed his gaze towards his boyfriend.

“Are you just gonna stand there or?…” Luhan asked smiling nervously rubbing his hand at the back of his neck.

Finally, Minseok reacted and walked towards Luhan and hugged him tightly as if he was never letting go.

“I missed you so much” Minseok whispered in the crook of his neck.

“I missed you too”  Luhan said as he let Minseok go to look at his face -

“You came directly from the stage” Luhan smiled staring at his makeup. “Literally!”

“I couldn’t wait to see you, we haven’t been apart this long since…”

“Since ever! but, can you two lovebirds save the PDA for later? I want to enjoy my best friend too!” Lay joked.

The three of them laughed and ordered some drinks and food to the room. At some point in the night Lay stood back and watched his friends chat and he could see the Minseok he used to know. There he was, the funny, relaxed, and smiling Minseok that he had seen all these years next to his best friend Luhan -or more than friend -and they were shining.

“I’m tired, I think I’ll go to bed “Lay said standing up to give some time to the couple alone.

“See you in the morning, yeah?” Luhan stood up as well and hugged Lay. Minseok smiled at the both of them.

“Of course, I’ll come to wake you up” he winked at them without missing Minseok’s blushed cheeks.

Lay left the room wishing the walls in this hotel were soundproof.

 

***

 

The next day, the three of them spent most of their time together until Lay and Minseok had to go for filming. During the filming, Minseok was brilliant. He spoke chinese, played all the games and the public went nuts for him. During a break, Lay went to Minseok and talked to him in korean.

“Hyung, are you having fun?” Lay asked with his infamous dimple showing.

“Very much! How am I doing with my chinese?”

“Excellent even better than me” Lay said teasing. “You seem very excited”

“I am! I can’t wait for the show to end, I promised Lu-ge that we would meet each other after this before our flight. Do you think manager-hyung will let us go to get some dinner?” Minseok looked so innocent and hopeful and Lay didn’t have the heart to tell him that probably, no, they wouldn’t have permission.

“Sure… but, don’t you think that you’ll be seen?

“Well, we can go to Lu-ge’s place… or to the hotel again, we’ll figure something out”

Lay smiled to himself at the “Lu-ge” nickname. Minseok never said it to someone else besides Luhan, especially not in public. The staff from the show called them back and Minseok jumped back on stage.  

Just like Lay imagined, the manager was relentless. “We don’t have time. It’s too dangerous. Next time let me know with more time so I can arrange something better planned”.

The ride back to the airport was more than awkward. Lay tried to speak to Minseok but everytime he tried, Minseok was looking out of the window or at his phone. His semblance wasn’t sad as one would have expected but angry. And honestly Lay was kind of scared.

Back up in the air, Minseok was back to his serious self.

“Are you-? Lay tried to ask.

“I’m okay” Minseok interrupted him. He didn’t say anything else during the whole flight.

  
***

There was a knock on the door.

“Come in”

“Hey leader” Jongdae came in and sat next to Joonmyun on his bed.

“How are you?” he smiled putting his book down.

“I’m fine, I’m here to talk to you about Minseok”

“Has he talked to you?“asked their leader to Jongdae.

“Not more than to you… or to anyone for that matter. And that’s the whole point. He’s always been very expressive about what he feels, but since... “

“I know. I never thought it would affect him so much… Have you ever?… “ Suho hesitated “seen him... cry?”

“No, you know he doesn’t cry” Jongdae gave a sad smile “Maybe if he did it would be good for him but, maybe he just can’t”

“Yeah… maybe. I just want to help him you know? But I just don’t know how”

“Bring Luhan back?” said Jongdae with a hint of irony.

“You know I can’t do that”

“I know, I know… It would be so much easier though… But the thing I don’t understand is that Minseok was okay with the decision!” Jongdae said as he laid on his back next to Joonmyun.

“I don’t know… I just want my friend back, you know?”

“Yeah I understand, come here” Suho hugged Jongdae tightly against his chest. “Me too…”

***

  
It was the day of the Mama Awards and everyone was a little nervous. They had rehearsed their choreo more than one hundred times but there was always that feeling of restlessness when they were about to perform in such important situation, but through the show, they tried to enjoy it as much as possible,and it wasn’t hard really, winning awards and watching younger idols rip their shirts off.

During the whole show Minseok was pretty okay. He wasn’t playing like a little kid like last year, but he enjoyed himself and he smiled brightly at every award. He even spoke like he used to with his closest friends from his band and others. But it wasn’t until the last award that something changed in his face and of course his leader and Jondae noticed right away, when they went down to backstage and hugged as a group.

When the transmission was over they quickly went to change clothes and clean their makeup to celebrate. Four awards were worthy of celebration.

“Has anyone seen Minseok?” asked Joonmyun.

“In his room, probably” replied Baekhyun while putting eyeliner on Tao.

“I knocked but he didn’t come out”

“Maybe he was in the bathroom, hyung” Tao said with closed eyes while Sehun eyed the chinese maknae and Baekhyun closely.

Joonmyun tried once more but nothing. He knew he had nothing to worry about, Minseok was happy compared to other days but, he just felt something in his chest like that feeling when mothers know something is troubling one of their kids.

“Can you open Minseok’s door for me?” he asked the manager, who always had an extra card key to every room the group was staying.

The manager gave him the card and slowly, Joonmyun opened the door.

The room was pitch black. Not even one light was on. The bathroom door was open though he wasn’t there. There was only a muffled sound coming from the bed. Before coming any closer he looked back and saw Tao, Baekhyun and Jondae looking inside with a worried look. He gave them a look to close the door and leave this to him. Jongdae understood and grabbed his members by the shoulders and took them out of there.

Joonmyun turned the lights on and saw Minseok’s back. He was sitting on the bed with his head down between his hands, still wearing his performance clothes but without his jacket. He was shaking, and when he felt someone had entered the room, he quickly straightened his back and he ran the back of his hands over his face.

“Joonmyun...”Minseok said with a raspy voice.  “I’m okay, just give me five minutes and I’ll be ready”

“No, Minseok you aren’t okay”  Suho tried to get closer.

“Just leave, please”

“Don’t try to push me away, let me help you”

“Help me?” Minseok looked down again. Then he stood up and finally looked at his friend “Help me? How are you supposed to help me? No one can help me!” Minseok was a wreck. His eyes were bloodshot, his nose red, makeup all over, and his hair was as messy as his clothes. That was the first time Joonmyun saw Minseok in that state.

“Minnie… “ Suho walked towards him and hugged him tightly. Minseok gave up to the hug, holding himself on his leader’s shoulders trying to steady himself because he was about to collapse... and he cried.

“I miss him so much… Why do I... feel like this? Why can’t he come back… I need him”

“Shhh” Suho sat him on the bed and went to the mini bar for some water “You know why he can’t, he’s better here with his family...”

“I know… “he sniffled. “That’s what hurts the most Joonmyun, That I couldn’t keep him happy, And that he’s better without me. Where was I when he got sick? And now… yes, he is better...  but what about me? I know this must sound selfish but I... I can’t live, I can’t do anything because everything reminds me of him, everywhere I go and everything I do, we used to do it together… Now I can barely see him and when we can meet for some miracle, we have to be locked inside a room, and today… when we won that last award I… “ He couldn’t keep talking.

They hugged again. Suho didn’t quite know what to do or what to say. It was true, no one could help him and bringing Luhan back wasn’t even a possibility. Minseok knew that very well, but of course he understood Minseok’s pain too. He could only hope time would heal his dear friend’s heart. So he just listened and let him express all his feelings, even the darker ones, just everything that he had to say and rage about finally ending in him crying.

The minutes passed and the corridor was suddenly very quiet. They must have left, Suho thought. Minseok was lying beside him. He was more calm than before but tears were still silently coming out of his eyes, like when people don’t realize they are crying.

“I thought I was stronger…” He heard Minseok say after a long silence. “Apparently I’m not…”

“Don’t say that, It has nothing to do with that. You just… love him” Minseok smiled sadly. “And he loves you too… when he agreed with this decision it’s because he knew you both could get through this. I know it hurts now but, you will eventually get used to it and it won’t be that hard anymore… you guys are strong, this is just… another proof to show the world how much you both are really meant for each other” Minseok closed his eyes and hid his pout in Suho’s chest.

“Thank you” He said with a cracked voice. “I needed this… thank you so much”

Suho stayed awake until Minseok fell asleep, stroking his hair, still impressed of what had just happened.

 

***

 

Christmas was around the corner and just like every year, the boys were reunited in the living room with hot chocolate and a bunch of presents to exchange. The scene was a typical one: Chanyeol and Jongin were laughing their asses off at something unable to pronounce words. Lay was playing the guitar while Jondae and Kyungsoo were singing christmas carols. Sehun and Tao were cuddling in the corner of the sofa while Baekhyun was picking on the chinese, trying to get on his nerves at every possible commentary. Joonmyun was trying to shut them up so they could start, but no one was paying attention and Minseok was quietly sipping from his hot chocolate looking with a fond smile at his members. When Joonmyun gave up, he threw himself next to Minseok, defeated.

“So... I think things are back to normal, huh?” he smiled looking at Minseok, grabbing his own cup of cocoa.

“Yeah, I feel so much better now. I have a present for you, Joonie” Minseok said as he  reached for one of the boxes on the coffee table and finally picking up a small golden box. “Merry Christmas”

“Thank you, Minnie” Suho smiled. “Actually, I have a present for you too but he hasn’t arrived yet”

“What do you mean by he?”

Suddenly, the ring bell echoed through the house and everyone got quiet.

“Who is it?” Tao asked.

“You didn’t….” Minseok looked at Joonmyun as he got up to go open the door.

“I think I did hyung”

Suho disappeared from his view leaving Minseok sitting there dumbfounded. When Minseok was finally able to get up and run towards the door Suho had already reached it.

“Merry Christmas!”  screamed Suho with the biggest smile.

“Ta-da!” Luhan was at the door wearing a huge scarf and carrying apparently more presents than Santa.

“You… stupid idiot”  He said as he  jumped on Luhan throwing his arms around his boyfriend’s neck and making him drop all the presents. “Why didn’t you tell me you were coming?” Minseok kissed Luhan. “Are you staying?” Minseok kissed Luhan yet again. “Are you actually here?!” Luhan could only laugh and hold his boyfriend in his arms.

“It was a surprise! and I’m staying until New Years and yes, I’m actually here”

“I can’t believe you… I… I love you so much” The two kissed for a while just looking at each other trying to convince themselves they were together, until several coughs were heard throughout the room.

“Luhan?” The couple and Joonmyun looked at the voices.

All the members were staring at Luhan with various degrees of shock plastered on their faces. Minseok patted his boyfriend on the back, encouraging him to say something.

“Ummm… Merry Christmas?”

Suddenly, all of them started to laugh and ran towards Luhan, hugging him and ruffling his hair. Minseok couldn’t contain his happiness, and the only person he had to thank for this was standing next to him looking on with glassy eyes at the reunion of their members. I wish someone else could be here tonight…

“Joonmyun” Minseok said interrupting his thoughts. “Thank you”

Joonmyun smiled and side hugged Minseok but, before he could reply he noticed that Luhan was on the floor with Baekhyun, Sehun, Kai and Chanyeol as a human pile on top of him.

“Help please someone!” Luhan screamed then coughed from screaming too much.

“Guys, come on!! You’re going to kill him!! Get off!” Joonmyun tried to put order in the situation.

“Can we open the presents now?” Tao asked looking at the bags Luhan dropped earlier on the floor probably looking for one with his name on it.

“I’m going to make more chocolate” Kyungsoo said going back inside

When everyone calmed down they went back to their living room. Minseok sat on the couch never letting go Luhan’s hand and slowly they all went back to what they were doing before of course not before asking Luhan a million questions.

Later that night as everyone else headed to bed Luhan and Minseok stayed on the couch a little longer, whispering things to each other while cuddling under a blanket. Joonmyun was turning off the lights when he saw them and smiling to himself, he left them with one dim light on. They are going to be okay. They are Minseok and Luhan after all, he thought.

  
  



End file.
